I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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