Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
