Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
