Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY