do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.