Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
These 25 Teachers Said Horrible Things to Their Students
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
21 Millennials Confess The Most Awkward Way Someone Has Tried Hitting On Them
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going