You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
it was like having sex with a tree stump
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?