yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
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You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
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I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.