dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
You don't make any sense
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