The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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