I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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