I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
