Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
