ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
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