I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
