dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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