Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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