Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
