life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Randomize
