She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
