stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
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I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
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I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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