I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
