she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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