Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
