i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
