Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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