after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
