There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
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Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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