dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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