Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
