She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
