I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Randomize
