Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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