I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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