made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
