Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Randomize
