Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
