My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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