break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
