i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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