well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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