No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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