Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
