made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
