I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
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She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
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I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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