Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
The beers last night were like the tears from god
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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