I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
