I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
