Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Randomize
