She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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