you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
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We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
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She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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