I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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