i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
