remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Randomize
