what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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