Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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