You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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