apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
