Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
