Plan B is the new Plan A
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
