DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
