The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize