i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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