We're like a lot better than the average bears
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
