Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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