i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Randomize
